Eliza appeared to many a haughty, pompous socialite, quick to remind others of her good breeding and lofty station. In 1808 she married George Hay, a prominent Virginia attorney

Eliza often substituted as official White House hostess for her ailing mother. Eliza soon alienated most of Washington society for her refusal to call on wives of the diplomatic corps, as was the custom. She caused another social furor in closing her sister's wedding to all but family and friends. For all her apparent vanity, however, she demonstrated genuine compassion during the fever epidemic that swept Washington during Monroe's term. She spent many sleepless nights selflessly caring for victims. Following the deaths of her husband and father, she moved to Paris, converted to Catholicism and lived in a convent.

Her daughter, Hortense, was named in honor of her friend, Hortense de Beauharnais, step-daughter of Napoleon.
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